Jones

2003 Auto Show

2005-02-26T02:36:00.000-05:00

NYIAS11
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The Auto Show- another reason God made Big Brothers.

Nothing Proves You're 18 except your I.D.

2005-02-26T02:35:00.000-05:00

113_1362
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Nuff Said

Three Goofs

2005-02-26T02:33:00.000-05:00

113_1333
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Millions and millions of dollars and Jay spends his 37th birthday with the film crew and his boys... Validates one's sense of purpose, y'know?

En Route

2005-02-26T02:30:00.000-05:00

113_1305
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The calm before the storm. Steady looking forward to wrapping for the day.

Battle Stations

2005-02-26T02:27:00.000-05:00

113_1313
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Your friend and humble narrator at the helm of a Sony HDW F900. Yup, the same camera they shot Episodes II and III and Collateral and Once Upon A Time In Mexico with. Natch, I was shooting a pilot for Jayson"Not Guilty" Williams and Juney Smith. If I only had stills from the cameras, but when you see Joey McIntyre and Chris Kirkpatrick belting out a duet of Islands In The Stream on karaoke you'll laugh yourself into a fit. Good times...

I'm flying over New jersey with Jayson Williams and his instructor and we are all about to die...

2005-02-26T02:21:00.000-05:00

113_1318
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that extreme. But I was the only person willing to go up in the cessna with the brother. The perils and rewards of being a cameraman...

Nice On The Equipment

2005-02-11T08:53:00.000-05:00

Sequence 2 010000;01
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Holla at ya boy

Move the Crowd

2005-02-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

BBK3
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

On the ones and twos..

2005-02-11T08:50:00.000-05:00

BBK1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The one and only DJ N.O.E.

Lemme get your #; you got a pen?

2005-02-11T08:48:00.000-05:00

BBK18
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Whatever happened to miscellaneous pieces of paper with random numbers scrawled on them from the previous night's adventures?

midnight oil

2004-12-04T13:08:00.000-05:00

midnight oil
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Williamsburg, Brooklyn
7 November, 2004

Antic2004

2004-12-04T13:05:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

"One does want a hint of color..."

Antic2004

2004-12-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Antic2004

2004-12-04T13:03:00.001-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

chowhounds

Antic2004

2004-12-04T13:03:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

A miniature Hot Rod junkyard if ever there was one..

Atlantic Antic 2004

2004-12-04T12:54:00.000-05:00

Atlantic Antic 2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Remember when people didn't have phones glued to their heads all day long?

Antic2004

2004-12-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

I don't even have words for this one...

Antic2004

2004-12-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Antic2004

2004-12-04T12:50:00.000-05:00

IMG_1135
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Antic2004

2004-12-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

Antic2004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

God is Good

2004-12-04T12:37:00.000-05:00

TG3
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

all about that Tat

2004-12-04T12:35:00.000-05:00

TG1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Bittersweet Love

2004-12-04T12:34:00.000-05:00

TG2
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Ain't love grand?

Photo by Brigita

DUMBO 1

2004-12-04T12:28:00.000-05:00

DUMBO 1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

B'LAF

2004-12-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

B'Laf
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

I think it's kicking in...

untitled self portrait

2004-12-04T12:26:00.000-05:00

untitled self portrait
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Downtime

2004-12-04T12:25:00.000-05:00

Downtime
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

To all my Partners- y'all know this!

HWY1 2004

2004-12-04T12:24:00.000-05:00

HWY12004
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Express train to HELL

2004-11-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

Forgive me, loyal fan for it has been three weeks since my last post and even then it was mostly just a photo blurb. I am now a regular, nay- senior barista at the SBUX establishment, and I am getting better at making all of the drinks on the menu. Even if people only want to order hot chocolates or grande skim lattes and nothing more. But this, fair reader has nothing to do with the coffee place that I work for. No, this is about yet another fun camera gig that I had the pleasure of being involved in just last night.

I shuttle my cookies all the way out to North Williamsburg to meet with a woman I was scheduled to film some B-Roll for. The assignment was easy; Blind Date meets Benny Hill meets Punk'd! All I had to do was cover the gentleman who was being set up. Seemed easy enough. Don't tell him anything and just stay on him in close or medium close until the date finishes. What the guy didn't know was the chick he was going to get set up with was actually a character and not the real deal. The character was a pseudo dominatrix from South London named "Susan" and the idea was that she was such an almost-goth freak that she would actually scare the date away. Her "hobbies" were taxidermy, welding, gummy sculptures and spanking. The guy was supposed to be this huge behemoth of a wrestler named JJJ(yes just like in Spider Man), and the rumor was that he was gigantic. When I arrive at the director/actress's house, she is dressed like a gothic viking, and her boyfriend is hanging out watching the new Star Wars dvd set. After killing time with the boyfriend and geeking out over the new Episode III footage in the set, while the actress gets ready, we depart to shoot her video personal Ad. In a loft, on a sex swing, dangling from a chain on a rafter, with a hairy guy in a gimp/wrestling mask, who was shirtless and getting whipped with a riding crop that was in the shape of an open palm...in one shot. And that was the easy stuff. For some reason, I can always spot someone's stash whenever I enter a new apartment. If wonder if that means anything...

The next stop was the bar where we'd be meeting the Mark. As I set up I met with the incredibly cute producer and the co-director of the piece. They, and the brilliantly competent sound-engineer/boom guy, went over the requirements of the piece with me and I started talking with the two guys who were hanging out at the bar with us. I didn't pay them too much mind until I was informed that the smaller and younger of the two men that we were talking with was the guy being set up. Let me just inform the few of you out there, that don't know me personally, that I am 6'2" and around 190lbs on any given day. When someone tells me that a guy is huge am I not remiss to presume that "huge" might mean "bigger than me"? This guy was about 5'7" with boots on and about 170lbs of muscle, but he wasn't huge. Just a bit musclebound. We went on and interviewed him for the Blind Date part of the show when I realized that the guy was actually a very genuine and sweet fellow who was down for anything. It was at this point that I began to suspect that the date would not go as planned.

RING1

2004-10-24T02:17:00.000-04:00

RING1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Ladies and Gentlemen...
The RING.
My beloved G-Friend has moved up the ranks of the Jones family tree by accepting this platinum and diamond ring and becoming my fiancee. We're still idiots, but we're ENGAGED idiots now. We win.

The cutest cat in my world

2004-10-21T02:49:00.000-04:00

the cutest cat in my world
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Aww shee-it. Now I've done it. I finally broke down and posted a photo of my pet. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me introduce to you all; The Baby Girl Jones. Yes, she actually is cuter in person.

whirlwind @ 59th Street

2004-10-13T03:00:00.000-04:00

whirlwind @ 59th Street
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Almost looks like a leftover set piece from The Wiz, don't it?

Walk On By

2004-10-13T02:59:00.000-04:00

Walk On By
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The secret of my success is I'm livin....

parkinglot

2004-10-13T02:57:00.000-04:00

parkinglot
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

So glad I don't have a car in the city. It takes a lot of will to maintain and operate a vehicle in NYC.

Latticework

2004-09-28T03:15:00.000-04:00

Latticework
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The hallowed hall of CCNY's liberry under major construction

under the bridge downtown

2004-09-28T03:13:00.001-04:00

under the bridge downown
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Near Grimaldi's

in between classes

2004-09-28T03:12:00.000-04:00

in between classes
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

I am soooo glad I'm not in school any more...

Everyone should do this...

2004-09-28T03:11:00.000-04:00

feet
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

...even if it's just on the Staten Island Ferry

mowing the fucking lawn again

2004-09-28T03:08:00.000-04:00

mowing the fucking lawn
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Your friend and humble narrator earning no Hazard Pay

How To Appreciate The Perfect Ass

2004-09-28T03:07:00.000-04:00

How To Properly Caress a Tush
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Need I say more?

The Bridge

2004-09-21T22:43:00.000-04:00

The Bridge
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

If you haven't walked over it at least once, you haven't truly lived...

Canal St

2004-09-21T22:41:00.000-04:00

Canal St
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Remember the cab rides from BK to NYC?

2004-09-21T22:40:00.000-04:00

BQE
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Fireman

2004-09-21T22:38:00.000-04:00

Fireman
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Must be tough to be a Fireman and not look this cool...

Tribute in Light 2002

2004-09-21T12:28:00.000-04:00

WTClights3
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

WTC reflection

2004-09-21T12:27:00.000-04:00

WTC reflection
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

From the West Side Hwy-June, 2001

WTC from a distance

2004-09-21T12:25:00.000-04:00

WTC from a distance 2.35-1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

2002

2004-09-21T12:24:00.000-04:00

WTC After
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

1997

2004-09-21T12:23:00.000-04:00

WTC before
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

WTCfrom5th

2004-09-21T12:22:00.000-04:00

WTCfrom5th
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

This was a view looking south from 37th and Fifth. The heart aches.

Land of the free?

2004-09-20T16:44:00.000-04:00

unconvinced444
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

She don't look too convinced. Maybe the impending fare hikes have her down...

Shelby Cobra

2004-09-20T16:42:00.000-04:00

shelby
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

In context, this car is even more sexy than one can imagine...

22's

2004-09-20T16:41:00.000-04:00

Spinners
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

They spinnin' nigga, they spinnin'!!

Lauren and the .45 ACP

2004-09-20T16:39:00.000-04:00

lauren .45jpg
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Five minutes of instruction and she's shooting like a pro. The V10 porting doesn't hurt either...

traingirl

2004-09-20T16:37:00.000-04:00

traingirl
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Anybody ever feel like this?

The ceiling

2004-09-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

The ceiling
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Sloane: The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron: I think I see my dad.

Mr & Mrs Silly

2004-09-20T12:20:00.000-04:00

Mr & Mrs Silly
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

A rare self portrait of the two, soon-to-be-engaged, silly rabbits. Guess which one of us doesn't like flying?

Coach Class

2004-09-20T12:18:00.000-04:00

Coach Class
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Ever notice how everyone EXCEPT you looks like shit on a plane trip? Especially from behind...

6am JFK SBUX

2004-09-20T12:15:00.000-04:00

Just another SBUX
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!! No airport should be without one of these. I was mildly reassured when I saw our pilots walking outta there with venti coffees in their hands.

Cpt. SBUX

2004-08-25T23:15:00.000-04:00

Quiet as it's kept, there are three new things to inform my reader’s about: Your friend and humble narrator is now working at the Cobble Hill Starbucks (BK) as a Barista. If that weren't enough, I am also going to be temping as a waiter for the RNC in the new AOL/Time Warner megalopolis. Oh, and on Saturday, September 4th, HBO will be premiering the America Undercover special: Atlantic City Hookers- It ain't E-Z Bein' a Ho. This will be the summation of nearly two months of all-nighters in AC with my director, a video camera and some very fragrant young ladies.
The Fourbucks gig is something I am actually enjoying more than I want to. I am learning about some incredible drinks and my current favorite ass-kicker drink is known as the "Redeye". Ask for one iced or regular. If you require more punch, try a "Blackeye". You won't be disappointed.
The Republican National Convention gig serves two purposes simultaneously; Bragging rights and Kiz-Nash. But I won't front- I am as much a Bush-hater as the next liberal, so spending an evening around a few thousand Republicans feels to me like Neo going into the heart of the Machine World in the last reel of Matrix Revolutions. Except in this universe the machines are gonna be drinking. A lot.
At the end of a killer 8hr shift at SBUX, my shift supervisor saw me zoning and suggested a pick me up. I mentioned an iced shot of espresso or something and he told me to stop being a pussy. He politely tells me that suggesting something like that was tantamount to ordering milk at an Irish Pub. Stop being a pussy and then he pulls two shots and four pumps of vanilla syrup. One cup. One gulp. Beaming, he says; "Here comes the Boom" and pats me on the back. I was told that I should be good with that until I walk in my door. He wasn't wrong. Why didn't I drink coffee in HS?

July 4, 2004

2004-08-25T23:13:00.000-04:00

Rei&G10
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Happy Birthday, America!

Flatbush NY

2004-08-25T23:04:00.000-04:00

Flatbush
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The Casual Twist

Down & Out in NYC

2004-08-25T23:02:00.000-04:00

loner1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Down & Out in NYC

2004-08-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

loner2
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Not a movie set - just Midtown

Only in LA

2004-08-25T22:58:00.000-04:00

Only in LA
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Not a movie set - just Hollywood.

Rico

2004-08-25T22:56:00.000-04:00

Rico
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

The greatest barber in the BX. Maybe the universe. An artist. A man who is 100 times better than he needs to be in his profession.

Anamorphic Self Portrait

2004-08-25T22:52:00.000-04:00

Anamorphic Self Portrait
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Your friend and humble narrator minus Pop -circa 2004

Me & Pop circa 1995

2004-08-25T22:45:00.000-04:00

Me & Pop circa 1995
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Your friend and humble narrator and his dad back in 1995. I miss him.

Midtown from the Four Seasons NY

2004-08-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

Chillin' at the top of the 4 Seasons
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

$2600 a night gets you this view...

Irreversible

2004-08-25T01:04:00.000-04:00

irreversible1
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Fucking Incredible Film. I was writing about it for an hour and I accidentally hit ESC and lost all of it. I will re-post it at another time but for now, please allow me to paste a comment of the film from a gentleman on IMDB.com. His words so closely resemble how I feel about the film that I will let him d o the talking for me for now.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Roland E. Zwick (magneteach@aol.com)

Date: 28 June 2004
Summary: some of the most disturbing scenes ever

If there's one thing that can be stated with utmost certainty, it is that `Irreversible,' a French film by writer/director Gaspar Noe, is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. In fact, this tale of the brutal rape of a helpless young woman is one of the most harrowing films ever made and features two of the most graphic scenes ever committed to film: the rape itself and the killing of the man responsible for the rape.
Although I imagine that very few people will end up subjecting themselves to this film in the long run, those who do will witness an amazing piece of work in many ways. Like the movie `Betrayal' from 1983, `Irreversible' tells its story in reverse chronological order. It begins with a frenzied man racing through a gay sex club, madly searching for someone we know merely as Le Tenia. Only as the story develops - as we are taken ever further back in time - do we begin to understand what is going on: that this young man, Marcus, is seeking vengeance on the rapist who has brutally attacked his pregnant girlfriend. Noe keeps us in a state of confusion by filming the scene in such a way as to reflect the maniacal state of Marcus' revenge-obsessed mind. The camera bounces around in epileptic confusion while the audience attempts to get its bearings. Eventually, as the filmmakers backtrack to reveal the events that have led up to this moment, the camera calms down and we get to see the whole ugly story acted out in painfully graphic detail. In fact, in the rape scene itself, Noe reverses his filmmaking style 180 degrees, deliberately leaving the camera stationary and focused on the event as it plays itself out. He simply won't allow us to stop looking.
There are some, I imagine, who might object to this film on moral grounds, feeling that it is little more than a cynical exploitation picture with artistic pretensions. Yet that condemnation would do a disservice to the makers of this film who, I believe, do not want us to revel in the sordidness of what we see, but rather to be appalled by the unspeakably brutal way in which human beings can treat their fellow human beings. By having us sit and witness every moment of this brutality without the comforting filter of cutaway shots or easy dissolves, Noe forces us to face the ugly truths about ourselves as a species. The reverse-order structure of the film heightens the tragic nature of the story for it allows us to see just how happy and hopeful these characters are in the time right before the rape shatters their lives. The latter half of the film contains no physical violence, yet watching it unfold is an ineffably sad experience, for we, unlike the characters themselves, are privy to the Sword of Damocles so precariously poised over their unsuspecting heads, yet find ourselves helpless in being able to rescue them from the inevitable destruction it will cause. Thus, the structure robs us of even the remotest option of hoping against hope that the tragedy can somehow be avoided - for we have seen it as an already completed action. For while the film may be `reversible,' life itself is not. In the case of this film, at least, form does, indeed, become content.
Vincent Cassel as Marcus, Monica Bellucci as his girlfriend, Alex, and Albert Dupontel as their mutual friend, Pierre, all deliver excellent, heartfelt performances.
I doubt that many people will have the intestinal fortitude to make it through large segments of this film, but those who do will surely never forget what they've seen.

Summer Sunset in NYC 2002

2004-08-23T16:20:00.000-04:00

Summer Sunset in NYC 2002
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Auto Show Concentration

2004-08-23T16:17:00.000-04:00

Auto Show Concentration
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

"One does want a hint of color..."

NYLife

2004-08-23T16:16:00.000-04:00

NYLife
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

In case you felt like bitching about your job or lack thereof...

120603

2004-08-23T16:14:00.000-04:00

120603
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

In case you felt like bitching about the summer heat...

NikePowerLacers

2004-08-23T16:12:00.000-04:00

NikePowerLacers
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Where the fuck are these??? For Fifteen years I have patiently waited for these to hit the shelves and nada. Rien de tout. Kloom. Zip.

Auto Show Blues

2004-08-23T15:53:00.000-04:00

Auto Show Blues
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Sometimes you stare out the window, others you walk briskly past it...

Business As Usual

2004-08-19T00:58:00.000-04:00

Business As Usual
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

H-U-S-T-L-E-R

Nuff said

9-11-02

2004-08-19T00:57:00.000-04:00

9-11-02
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

Anybody ever feel like this?

Tattoo You

2004-08-18T22:23:00.000-04:00

Tattoo You
Originally uploaded by Anamorphic1974.

This is by far the sexiest tattoo I'v ever seen. The woman wearing could very well be the love of my life...

Moore is Less

2004-07-20T01:47:00.000-04:00

I know; sounds like a Post movie review headline. I won't make too many jokes on this one. I enjoyed Farenheit 9/11. I felt it was about twenty minutes too long, but I always feel it's better for a movie to be too long than too short. Powerful stuff. I think we're in line to get our asses handed to us, but I wish we poor street folk didn't have to suffer because of the greed and avarice of others. Thankfully I didn't need the film to sway my vote in November. I feel that if you know who you don't want in office, the choice is pretty much a foregone conclusion.

Casual Observation #124 (or yet more proof that we exist in the Matrix)

2004-07-20T00:53:00.000-04:00

Did you ever stop and wonder why almost every politician you ever see on TV is named John something or another?

Where's Buckaroo Banzai when you need him?

Or how the one time you decide to watch a TV show or movie at random and then, ten years later, you come across the exact same moment in the exact same show/movie. It can't be a coincidence. Can't.

Casual Observation #123

2004-07-20T00:40:00.000-04:00

Did you ever notice that, here in NYC, all the uniformed police officers have names that are completely different from anything you've ever heard of? I moonlighted as a telemarketer once for about three days and in those three days I conservatively phoned 900 people. All of them had a variation on some name I'd heard of or read somwhere before. But NY's finest are clearly immigrants of a different ilk. Try it out. Try to read the id tags on the uniforms and, out of five, see how many have some fucked up name.

Casual Observation # 122

2004-07-13T02:07:00.000-04:00

In the service of equanimity, allow me to wax curious about my black peoples as well.

First off: I agree with Bill Cosby on a certain level, but I felt that his comments were only heard out of context and I'm sure that were the whole conversation presented, old Cos wouldn't sound quite so nuts. Because let's not front; he did sound kinda crazy.

Number Two: Chris Rock said the exact same thing eight fucking years ago when he drew comparisons between Black People and Niggas. That didn't make the headlines, but every open-minded and progressive person that heard that bit, black, white, green, blue, all agreed with his words and also knew the sketch by heart. Chris Rock is awesome.

Number Three: Why is it that brothers and sistas, who feel compelled to get tattoos, invariably get tattoos with the same cheap cursive script font and they always get them on the neck or thigh or behind the forearm or right above the cleavage but not entirely visible through open shirts- just visible enough to show people that there is a tat right over your their tit? And what is the deal with darker-skinned folks getting tattoos at all? Everytime I see a real chocolate brother or sister with what looks like bad skin or a tremendous hickey, I gotta take a second look because it's probably just a tattoo in cheap cursive script.

Number Four: What up with every wanna be knucklehead, thug, street baller, or fake MC and crisp white Air Force Ones? There are at least two hundred different styles of footwear available to the average consumer, why-oh-why do everyone gotta rock the same fucking shoe? Just like Lee's, it's PLAYED OUT. A style that was semi popular twenty years ago is really over now, yet no one seems to care. They are as common as white guys and khakis. If the fellas in the hood wanna play with things from back in the day, bring back the big Boom Boxes with the dual cassette decks, and the light up EQ in the front and the volume knob that was as big as a door's, that went to 50. Bring THAT shit back.

Number Five: Youngbloods AND Grown Folk wearing jeans and slacks halfway down their legs and acting like its cool and normal. Kriss Kross didn't rock it that baggy and they were babies then. When I see a kid with jeans that hang that low on the ass all I wanna do is "pants" them. Can you blame me? They're asking for it. Unfortunately for me the same sentiment applies when hot girls wear hip-huggers too.

Number Six: It's bad enough that we smoke cigarettes but must we all smoke Newports? The tobacco industry must have other brands on the market. Can't we be individual and smoke something else? No pun really intended there...

Casual Observation # 121

2004-07-13T01:56:00.000-04:00

What is it with white guys and khakis? Let me qualify that. I have nothing against white guys, (some of my best friends are white), and I have nothing against khakis. But I've noticed recently that the combination of Polos, Khaki shorts and Tevas is something only seen on white guys on the east coast. I noticed this because I had just accepted a job doing stints in front of a gigantic coffee-franchise establishment, we'll call them "Benedict's", and I was asked if I had a pair of khaki shorts and tennis shoes. I didn't and immediately thought to myself that I didn't know ANY brothers with khaki shorts and tennis shoes. I felt that I would probably resemble an average white guy with those clothes and since I am neither white nor average, I didn't feel it would be an appropriate fit for me. But I couldn't help but notice how common a combination that is. Especially on white guys.

Back From The Dead

2004-07-13T01:52:00.000-04:00

First and foremost I would like to extend a sincere apology to the two people whom I know read this blog. I apologize, y'all.

Onward.

A quick joke...

2004-07-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your
captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office."

Reality Check

2004-06-27T02:00:00.000-04:00

It has happened. Here, on the precipice of thirty, I view from afar my youth. Last night my beloved and I were cuddled up on a sofa watching...(wait for it), The Food Network! That's right; I am now approaching the age where if I was a senior in high school, I wouldn't talk to me or think I was cool in any way on a first meeting. I first witnessed this subtle paradigm shift two years ago when I realized that I enjoyed watching VH1 more than MTV, and now between getting off on BBQ battles, Emeril's showmanship and wincing at whatever early-80's song is being used to shil fast food or something in the advertising arena, I find myself actively seeking out the grey hairs that must be on their way.

Fuck Fruit Loops. Where oh where is my Muesilix?

Ma Pi Tom?!?

2004-06-20T01:46:00.000-04:00

Esther? Madonna has decided to change her name to Esther? What the fuck?! Will someone please explain to me why it is that when people are worth more than a few million dollars they lose their fucking minds. As a Jew, albeit a bad one, I take offense to Madonna's name change. Shit, one of the hottest things about Madonna was how decidedly non-Jewish she was. Jews don't sing "Papa Don't Preach", "Like a Virgin" and "Like a Prayer". But, now that I think about it, maybe "Material Girl" was a harbinger of things to come... I mean how many Jewish sex-symbols are there? Have there ever been? I don't believe so. Alicia Silverstone doesn't count because she doesn't flaunt it. Monica "DeepThroat" Lewinsky doesn't count because, sadly, not enough young girls want to emulate her. So what's that leave us? Nothing. That and Quiet Riot sold the fuck out and now shil for french fries. The apocalypse is upon us indeed.

The Secret Of Man

2004-06-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

"I did something for the worst possible reason. Just because I could,'' Clinton says of his infidelity. ``I think that's just about the most morally indefensible reason anybody could have for doing anything.''

That's right, Bubba did it because he could. Great. Now the secret to men's behavior is no longer a secret. They'll run that quote into the ground and pretty soon men all over the world will finally be telling the truth about their fuck-ups. When women question their men as to why they went and fooled around or slept with someone else, men, simple as we are in our anger and ego, will start spitting the truth;' because we could. That's it. That's the secret. Now we have nothing to hide. Women are back on top (no pun intended) as the possessors of the "Bigger Lie" that Chris Rock once spoke of.

Speaking of Chris Rock, I saw him a couple of nights ago in front of the Comedy Cellar on MacDougal. He pulled up in a $120,000 Porsche and the first thing I thought was:"Gee, that is one clean car", followed quickly by; "What happened to the Nissans that he's always talking about?" Several years ago Chris was questioned to his celebrity spending habits and, in so many words, scoffed at the notion of dropping a chunk of change on a vehicle when you can get a perfectly capable car without breaking $30 grand. That way if anything happens to the car, you can either get it fixed or buy a new one without much fuss. That made sense. Even in Head of State he drove a Nissan. And now, obviously several million dollars later, he cruises the village evenings in a Porsche. And a nice one.

Somebody mug this man, please...

2004-06-17T03:08:00.000-04:00

Fuck Roland Emmerich. Fuck him in the ear! Fuck him in the other ear, that motherfucker. He is the reason so many people under the age of 30 had no reality based frame of reference on 9/11. And clearly that Nazi bastard has it in for NYC, our beloved home and hatpeg. In not one but three disaster films, of the five films he's made here in the USA, New York City gets wiped out. Maybe it's my emotional attachment to NY, but the guy is known as Disaster Film-Bad German Director-guy, and in every one of those types of films, he destroys NYC. What could he possibly have against us? Fuck him and his "let's punch holes in buildings in NY" -mentality.

A tip to bad movies like Roland Emmerich's: When you are watching the film and you make the realization that with the same actors and same everything else at your disposal, you could make a much better film and start immediately improvising a rewrite in your head while the film is unspooling- and you're an accountant- then it is a bad movie indeed.

Paid In Full

2004-06-17T01:37:00.000-04:00

Summer 2005 looks to be the summer to beat all in quite a while.
I say this because I just finished watching Insomnia and it wasn't half bad at all. In fact it was quite an assured film, at least on a mechanical level, in more than one way. The fact that there were three Oscar(TM) winners to work with couldn't hurt things either- look at The Rock for heaven's sake.
No, Summer 2005 will be awesome because Christopher Nolan, the dashing, young Briton who directed both Insomnia and the awesome Memento, is currently lensing "Batman Begins" in London. From the three photos I've seen, and the actors involved, I believe that there is a chance that Batman will be cool in the movies once more. Batman Begins and Star Wars Episode III will be competing for the crown of the first $200 million Opening Weekend Gross Mark my words; it will happen.

Insomnia was most powerful to me in the sense that I actually lost complete track of time while I was trying to follow the story. The reaction was physical and not just imagined. Much like the way I feel thirsty and really hot when I watch 187, the same way that Ernest Dickerson claimed to feel when watching Lawrence Of Arabia, but that's for another chapter.

More powerful still was the documentary, in the Special Features section, about sleep deprivation. I don't know much about sleep disorders, and I don't know many people who do, but I do know that the body and the brain need sleep whether we want to or not. What I didn't know was that that all of us have what is known as "sleep debt". Sleep dept is the accumulation of the sleep your body needs but never gets. If you usually need eight hours of sleep and you sleep seven hours a night for ten nights, you just racked up ten hours of sleep debt. And it's said that most people have much worse sleep debt than that. The brain needs its rest no matter what s when you are up and about, if you slow down for a moment, hallucinate and nod off even for a second or two, that is your brain collecting on the debt. It seems to happen most often on long drives or in classrooms for me. Last summer I was shooting footage, in Atlantic City, of pimps and hookers on the strip. Since the chief operating hours for that business is from sunup to sundown, I wound up going a day or two without sleeping many times and it was unbelieveably strange. Usually it was one day I'd be up straight through, and if you can make it past the first twenty-four hours then it gets much easier. But that is also when it gets weird. Like that strange sense you get after a night of partying when you can't tell if you're still high or not but you go about your regular day-to-day anyway. But I learned that if I break night I only need about six hours of sleep, but I won't dream. It's just a hard six. I so didn't mean for that to sound so bawdy.

So Spider Man 2 and iRobot seem to be the cool summer fare for the upcoming months. Rumor has it that The Day After Tomorrow sucks ass. It's about time that Roland Emmerich got the attention that he deserves for being such a low talent director. When one actor is bad in a movie, it might be his fault. Two actors being not-so-hot? Again possible that they just weren't into it. But if more than two actors are bad, it is without a doubt the director's fault. Anyone see 1998's Godzilla? Hank Azaria, Matthew Broderick and Jean "Enzo Molinari" Reno all in the same film, all consistently watchable and enjoyable performers... They all sucked in Godzilla. Everyone in Independence Day sucked except Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum(but that's because they're even better than the three gentlemen I mentioned above). And I won't even get into Stargate but that's only out of respect for the fact that at the time, there were no good science fiction films being produced; Lucas was still a year and a half away from ramping up production on Episode I. But just thinking about how bad the dialogue was in both films by Mr Emmerich brings me to another blog topic...

Resonant Quotes #1

2004-06-11T00:27:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about the attitude behind this particular exchange earlier on today. Whenever I get upset with a loved one I tend to feel like this:

Sean: My dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with. Actually the worst of the beatings were between me and my brother. We would practice on each other, trying to find sticks that would break.
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Gotta go with the belt, there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: The wrench, why?
Will: 'Cause fuck him, that's why.

Not my favorite film, but what a line...

Inside The Actor's Studio Transcript from December 12, 2012

2004-06-08T23:07:00.000-04:00

James: This last year was by all accounts a spectacular one for you, Ethan. With your twin Oscar wins, one for Best Cinematography and for Best Director, both for the same film, and a nomination for Best Editing, your achievements are compounded by the fact that you are also the first person in motion picture history to accomplish such a stellar feat. And, if I'm not mistaken, today is also very significant for you for another reason...
Ethan: (sheepish) It's my birthday.
(APPLAUSE)
James: And how old are you today?
Ethan: Thirty-eight.
James: (to audience, in awe) Thirty-eight. To think that the best is still yet to come.
James: And now for the questionaire invented by the best talk-show host ever, Bernard Pivot. Ethan, what is your favorite word?
Ethan: "Yes"
James: What is your least favorite word?
Ethan: "No"
James: What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Ethan: Hmmm.. . Passion, intelligence and experience. Art.
James: What turns you off?
Ethan: Willfull ignorance and the absence of humility and accountability. You know I've been practicing for this!
James: Ethan, what is your favorite curse word?
Ethan: Fuck. Without a doubt. But "motherfucker" is a very close second. It always sorta' pops-out at the wrong moments.
James: (to the audience gravely) I have the same problem.
(LAUGHTER)
James: What sound or noise do you love?
Ethan:(laughing) Three things come to mind. I'll share the two polite ones; Laughter and the sound our cat makes when she's startled. It's the cutest thing. She makes this little trilling sound that really wants to be a "meow" but doesn't quite have the momentum for it. Very funny stuff.
James: And the not-polite one?
Ethan: (looks to audience cocks an eyebrow shrugs and nods to his wife in response) Probably the sound my wife makes when I catch her by surprise.
James: I see. What sound or noise do you hate?
Ethan: Probably when someone sings horribly off-key to something while they listen to headphones. That and the classic fingernails-on-chalkboard noise. Never fails to give me the willies.
James: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Ethan: I always wanted to be a NAVY Seal. That or a chef.
James: What profession would you not like to do?
Ethan: Lawyer. Politician.
James: Finally, Ethan, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Ethan: Well done, kid, but your father would love to have a word with you before you get too comfy.
James: And our students would love to have a word with you too, Ethan.
Ethan: Aww, shucks.

What the !@#$?

2004-06-08T19:34:00.000-04:00

Well, let's see; The A-Team, Married with Children Seasons 1-2, Quantum Leap, Sanford And Son, Who's the Boss? Friends 1-7, The Sopranos 1-4, Cheers 1-3, The Dukes Of Hazzard, fuckin' Tour Of Duty -anyone remember that one? The Vietnam-era show that was almost good except for the fact that it was aired on CBS and there was no cussing at all, (unlike the CBS of today), and therefore everyone sounded ridiculous. My point?

WHERE THE FUCK IS MIAMI VICE?

And while we're on the NBC that turned it all around, where is the Cosby Show? Night Court? Misfits Of Science? Knight Rider? The Facts Of Life? Diff'rent Strokes? Punky Brewster? Youknowhatimsayin?
To paraphrase Gilbert Gottfried from the "I love The 80's Strikes Back"; What the FUCK?!? Where is the show that brought magic back to Miami and made pastels chic? The show that I kept hearing wasn't as good as Hill Street Blues...
In fact; where is Hill Street Blues too? Who decides this shit? Lets keep going into the 90's shall we?
Alien Nation, Doogie Howser, Anything But Love, The Arsenio Hall Show, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, (yes- there was a TV show and it was better than it shoulda' been), A Different World, Beverly Hills 90210, My So Called Life? The fucking list goes on and on.
Can't a brother get some love?

And while we're at it, can we get Manimal and Automan and of course, Street Hawk in Deluxe 20th Anniversary Box Sets? Pretty please?

American Heavy Metal

2004-06-03T00:34:00.000-04:00

Anyone ever notice how totally chilling it is that every eleventh vehicle on the road is a Jeep?
They're everywhere. And I don't mean in the "I'm the only asshole without an iPod" -way. I mean in the as-soon-as-you-think-it, you see it-way. It is too much. I buy the iPod-thing as iPods are a fad and they will hold for a while. But Jeep has been around forever and with all the different brands of cars available, foriegn and domestic, there are still too many fucking Jeeps. I suppose the fact that Daimler-Benz bought them out a while ago couldn't hurt things. In 2003 DaimlerChrysler made $171.9 billion dollars. Think about that guys- THAT'S MORE MONEY THAN BILL GATES HAS. And Bill Gates, as Chris Rock put it so eloquently, is "wealthy".

"DaimlerChrysler now has the most impressive product range and the most valuable brands in the automotive industry. Backed by strong research and development, these brands will be at the cutting edge of technology in their respective segment, offering our customers the best there is in terms of innovation, design, safety, quality, service and the sheer enjoyment of owning one of our products."

One of their "products" includes: Jeep, Maybach, Mercedes, Dodge, Chrysler, Frieghtliner and Western Star trucks, to name a few.

Any of these sound familiar? Of them all, in my personal observation, Jeep and Mercedes are the most popular vehicles in America. No matter where you are, you will always be in the presence of a Jeep, and that Jeep will always be within view of yet another Jeep brand vehicle. Try it for yourselves. I won't even try to do that with the Benzo- It'd be too easy.

However, their setup at the Auto Show this year was pretty cool.

The Blue Pill

2004-06-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

So, I was sitting here trying to think about what to write about while my girlfriend was watching a DVD courtesy of our recent obsession; NetFlix. The movie was "Frances" and though I wasn't watching the actual film, I peeked in for a moment and saw a scene involving a patient(read: victim), who was being given shock therapy for something. Always a disturbing thing to witness, I toughed it out and flashed back to that scene in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. The one where you realize how tragic the story really is because Our Hero gets "touched" and you know its over for him. Something about the notion of causing damage to that part of the body always scared me. My father suffered a series of strokes when I was fourteen. The way it was described to me was that a stroke is when the brain is deprived of oxygen-rich blood mostly due to blood clots in the arteries. Fucked him up big time. And if that was just due to a teeny bit of blood missing it's mark, just imagine what sending actual current into that part of the body would do...

These are the kinds of thoughts and associations I make about most things I hope to never experience.

So, newly curious as to what shock therapy and lobotomies are really all about, I jumped online and did some minor research. The shit that I found is absoutely fascinating.

www.antipsychiatry.org

In particular read the articles entitled: Psychiatry's Electroconvulsive Shock Treatment - A Crime Against Humanity
* The Brain Butchery Called Psychosurgery

Read on if you dare...

The Maestro

2004-06-02T12:05:00.000-04:00

Stanley Kubrick was the greatest expatriate American filmmaker ever in my opinion. His death made me sad before I was even totally familiar with his work. But I knew that his name, and any other associated with it, was a watermark for greatness and perfection. I have a whole blog saved in my head about Kubrick, but for right now I will simply leave a couple of quotes from Steven Spielberg at/after a DGA theatre tribute:

Spielberg met Kubrick -- "a schlumpy-looking man in ill-fitting clothes" -- on the London set of "The Shining" in 1980. "'Saw your last movie, '1941,"' Kubrick said to him. "'It was great, but it wasn't funny. You should have sold it as a drama.' "

During a reception following the tribute, Spielberg said he often sent Kubrick the first cuts of his movies, even before the studios had seen them, but that Kubrick did not reciprocate. "How come?" Spielberg asked him around the time of "Full Metal Jacket."

"'Because that's who I am, and that's who you are,"' Kubrick replied.

You gotta love the guy...

I can't wait...

2004-06-02T01:05:00.000-04:00

The Brothers Weinstein finally caved in and decided to distribute Michael Moore's new documentary "Farenheit 9/11". Disney was too pussy to handle it so Miramax gets to do the deed. All profits past the initial marketing and distribution costs go to charity. "Bowling For Columbine" was fucking awesome and even though Mike went too far with Chuckles Heston towards the end, it was still a chilling film. And that was just over America and it's politics of fear. I can't imagine what he's put together since Curious George took office. I will depart now with a quothe from a man whom I am slowly starting to believe is the white-filmmaker version of Chris Rock:

"On behalf of my stellar cast - GW, Dick, Rummy, Condi and Wolfie - we thank this incredible coalition of the willing for bringing 'Fahrenheit 9/11' to the people."

Natch.

"There's that word again: Heavy. Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with earth's gravitational pull?"

2004-05-30T02:15:00.000-04:00

DVDs are fantastic, y'all. I used to have a laserdisc player and I was a real snob about how you couldn't be serious about movies if you didn't own a laserdisc player and didn't know the difference between CLV and CAV, and so on. That being said, I recently bought the Back to The Future Trilogy and am in the middle of re-watching the first of the films. With one of two commentaries present on the discs. I should be raving about how informative and insightful and frank the banter is between Bob Gale and Bob Zemeckis and moderator/director Laurent Bouzreau. But I'm not and here's why; I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me on this one. The package is very attractive and the price couldn't be beat. $30 for three movies with a shitload of extras and running commentaries? I'm there. And I am a big fan of the films. They're fun and colorful and clever. I thought so when I was a wee lad of ten and I think so today. I loved BTTF 2. I cut school and saw all three in a row one May day in 1990, in midtown, with some friends and still have the pin; " I saw the Future Back to Back to Back!"

I LOVE audio commentaries and always believed that the inclusion of just one good one in a collection instantly justified one's investment in the hardware. The box to the Trilogy claimed that there was a commentary on each of the films by writer/director Bob Gale and producer Neil Canton. I'm like okay, whatever. I dig screenwriters and know that stories, good and bad, come from a special place. And my feeling is that anyone who does that, in particular with a story that I respect, probably has something to say worth listening to. The producer should say as little as possible and that was never more apparent than here. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I pop in the first disc and without giving a review of the disc's physical performance, I'll just say it looked and sounded great. But I get ready to have a cool seminar by the screenwrier and instead I get a really detached sporadic commentary by a very bitter man and his almost nonexistant retarded echo. Bob Gale, writer of such light modern classics such as: Bordello of Blood (1996), Tattoo Assassins (1994), Trespass (1992- AND my favorite of Ice T's bad movies),1941 (1979), and Annihilator Attacks, The (1972)...I left out certain others just because. Anyways, Bob Gale, as I come to find out, IS George McFly. Allow me to modify that; he's George McFly if George never laid out Biff and never stood up for himself and grew up bitter and angry at himself and just kept on writing and writing and writing. Then he went to college and met someone just as nerdy as himself but was a bigger kid so he probably didn't catch as many beat-downs and had actually gotten some action somewhere down the line. A Nerd With Heart. They go on to write several stories together and then write the biggest bomb of an up and coming wunderkind by the name of Steven Spielberg.

They write Back to the Future together in the downtime (4 years) they had after the smoke cleared from 1941, and then try to get it made. Everyone says no. Then the Nerd With Heart gets to direct Romancing The Stone, and boom! No more problem getting a pet project off the ground. The film goes on to become a worldwide hit and the geek from University City, MO is now a millionaire and every Biff that ever put their foot in his ass can now eat a big crow sandwich because look who wins!

So, now, twenty-some odd years later, here he is without the Nerd With Heart and he is DRY, ladies and gentlemen. He is dry and bitter. There are some interesting factoids to be found from him and it seems that everyone absolutely LOVES Christopher Lloyd and Lea Thompson. But the most telling things about his personality are the fact that there is some phantom "other commentary"-track that he keeps alluding to when he doesn't feel like explaining something interesting like why Crispin Glover wasn't in the sequels. Or why they replaced Claudia Wells as Marty's girlfriend. Shit like that. He practically tells the viewer that if they missed that "class" then he's not gonna go over that material again. "Too bad." There is a smug and bitter quality to him but never more apparent than when the topic of Crispin Glover comes up. The mature and graceful, (and dare I say professionally courteous), thing to do would be to politely allude to some misgivings and whatnot about the process with Mr. Glover, but Gale just rips Crispin a new asshole with his candor about his antics on-set. As fucked-up and outrageous as the allegations against him were, I, as a participating-viewer, didn't need to know THAT much about the guy and his differences with you as a producer/writer or not. And I get that the emotional-thing with being a writer and the personal-thing with being a producer made it difficult for you for the better part of a year, but Dawg -- the film was a hit and your life changed forever in one week -- what the fuck are you still bitter about?

Guys like him are prime examples of why it is essential to get laid before twenty-one.

I am upset that one half of the brains of one of my favorite stories is a bitter old nerd, but that's okay because the other half has matured into a very good filmmaker and a very generous one for the students at USC.

Well, just today I was about to trudge dillegently through yet another dry white commentary when I felt bold and thought I would check out the bonus feature entitled "Live Q&A Session - on all three films by director Robert Zemeckis and writer/producer Bob Gale" Guess what? It was a commentary track that runs with the movie with a moderator who has a respect for the work and the people involved and has great questions. And the Q&A was done at USC in front of a body of students who provide a nice atmosphere. The track is fuckin' awesome and I wish it had said somewhere on or in the material with the discs that there were TWO commentary tracks and not just one boring one. Did I mention that it was mostly boring?
So the moral to this fable is; Always exhaust your search for extras before crying like a bitch about how the only apparent commentary track sucks ass.

PS I also read somewhere that the third film was misframed when they were applying the Academy Flat aspect ratio to the disc. But then after six months, supposedly, Universal recalled all the box sets and fixed the problem. I'll check it out and holla back at ya.

"..sex is best when its..."

2004-05-29T12:18:00.000-04:00

Sex is so fucking good.